Months, Part III

by Marko Peric

At first I was going to do the months in two segments of six months each, but then I decided why not stretch out a bad idea into three features? If you want to know why I'm rating the months of the year in the first place, go read Months, Part I. Also, you might want to read Months, Part II if you've haven't already.

September: This is where the people naming the months ran out of ideas. Whereas the months of high summer are named for Roman emperors, and several of the months earlier months are named for Roman deities, September means "seventh month" and nothing more. Of course September isn't the seventh month, and hasn't been for some centuries, but let's ignore that. This is the month that features the return to school, as well as the ill-named labour day after which one isn't supposed to wear white for some reason that has always escaped me. Not that I wear a lot of white, mind you, but I don't like the idea of looking at the calendar and deciding that I can't wear a certain colour. I'm calling September Ugly.

October: I'm not really sure what to say about October. I'm not German and I don't drink, so Octoberfest isn't an issue, although I will say Germans needing a reason to drink beer is like Irishmen (hey, I'm half Irish, so I can say it) needing a reason to fight. October is rather a mixed bag. There's the Canadian Thanksgiving, which is at a much better time of the year than American Thanksgiving, which comes too close to the whole Christmas season IMHO. And then there's Halloween, the most overrated and mixed up holiday of the entire year, when little children are encouraged to dress up as undead and go bum candy off the neighbours, which I think is Bad.

November: I'm sure I'm in the minority, but I like November, and not just because my birthday falls on the seventh (start shopping for a gift for me now). Winter has not yet arrived, but the air is cold enough that no one will try to force me to eat dinner out on the deck. You can listen to Christmas carols in November and no one will think you're a freak, but at the same time the radio isn't beating you over the head with "Feliz Navidad." Plus the malls aren't overwhelmed with desperate shoppers, which is a Good thing.

December: This month exists in the shadow of the mother of all holidays, which is of course Christmas. While I like Christmas just as much as the next person, at the same time I am somewhat sickened by the extreme overcommercialization that seems to increase every year. I've worked in retail long enough to see pretty much everything that happens at Christmas. People get crazy. Great insanity takes place to the tune of "Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time." But I'm digressing. What is December? December is this, you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the most mixed up month of the year with entirely too much candy available and demanding consumption. As much as the Grinchy voice in my head is telling me to do otherwise, I'm going to call December Good.