Months, Part I

Why am I rating months of the year, you ask. Well, it's something I haven't seen done, and everyone is obviously very familiar with the subject matter. Also, it's a nice convenient finite subject that I'll be able to finish in three convenient segments. I should point out that since I'm in North America, I'm doing this from a Northern Hemisphere perspective. If you live south of the equator much of this won't really apply. Ditto if you happen to live in the tropics. And so without further ado, on with the ratings.

January: Named for the Roman deity Janus, the god of beginnings and endings, this is typically the coldest and bleakest month of the year. It also has only one notable holiday, and that of course comes on the first day of the month, so it makes for a long old wintery haul to the end of January. It's also the month that features the making and breaking of New Years resolutions. So we have a long, cold, snowy month with a scarcity of holidays and also one that tends to be Ugly.

February: I'm not sure how it was decided that February would be the shortest month of the year. What February did to deserve getting shorted a couple of days is beyond me. And then there is the whole leap year issue. Also, apparently every four thousand years or so there is a 30th day in February, which is only handy to know if you plan on being cryogenically frozen until sometime after AD 4000. February also features a superabundance of minor holidays, far too many for such a short month, IMHO. But being a short month, I've over quickly, something welcome in the middle of winter. I'm going to overlook the whole problem of how to pronounce it, and file February under Good.

March: "In like a lamb, out like a lion." Of course, this winter it was more like "In like a lion, out like a lion, and rather like a lion for much of the middle." Now, if you happen to like winter storms, March is cool, but if you're like most of us, winter storms are a pain until they are nasty enough to shut down everything so you get to stay home from work, and it has to be pretty nasty for that to happen. Then there's March break, which is cool when you're still in grade school, but pretty much a huge annoyance after you've finished. Bad.

April: The first month that can be used as a reasonable name (I'm sure some idiots out there name their kids January or March, but lets ignore that) and the first month that can really be called a spring month, April is hit or miss when it comes to weather. It can be beautiful or it can be a mess. As much as it lacks personality and panache, I think I can safely say that no one dislikes April. How can I say anything but Good things about it?