He's the Rollback Man

Commercials — we see them all the time. I've seen some really funny, creative ones that make me consider giving their marketing team a "well done". Others are just annoying with a bad jingle that gets in your head and and softly nudges on your brain like a tumour until you find yourself singing like an idiot in the elevator.

Walmart loves the "tumour theory" of advertising. Now, maybe it's because we don't have cable, but, the one that's constantly on tv is "The Rollback Man". Now, first let's discuss the lyrics: "The Rollback Man he faces many dangers, rolling prices back for friend and stranger. He's the Rollback Man, He's the Rollback Man, He's changing all those prices with low prices on the way. . ."

Ok, first, the title, "Rollback Man". Not nearly as catchy as Spiderman, Wolverine or even Inspector Gadget. It's taking a technical retail term and trying to make it sound cool. "Oh look! It's Captain Product Placement!"

Apparently he faces many dangers, but I haven't seen any giant frowning faces with big black Sharpies trying to mark prices up. The "Mark-Up Man" must be very sneaky.

He's rolling prices back for friend and stranger. . . .yeah, I bet a giant yellow head with no appendages has lots of friends. He doesn't even blink — that'd freak anyone out. He's changing all the prices with low prices on the way, yeah, well, that could be because Walmart sells a lot of cheap crap, plus they put it all in the centre of the aisles in huge bins with massive signs so you're tripping over all the cheap stuff. You can't help but notice them, and it certainly does give that "low price" illusion. But really, who doesn't sell boxes of macaroons and golden buds for 98 cents?? It's not like they're 5 bucks everywhere else.

It's cool that Rollback Man has a nice car, although it is cartoon, just like him, in a commercial world where everyone else is human, so, it's not that cool. Plus, it's weird enough that he doesn't have any feet or legs to drive, but, he's got gloves and no arms. Think about it. Freaky. This is a guy you never wanna go on a date with.

When he's in the store he's flying around effortlessly, but, then, oh, all of a sudden he has to swing on a cable, again, holding on with his armless gloves. If he can just kinda float around (I'm guessing that's on account of his large head) why in the world does he need to swing from a cable? He's over-acting in my opinion.

Let's not forget his price-fighting tool — his watch apparently shoots lasers. I bet that was an accident, he probably got that watch at Walmart and was trying to work the Indiglo and oops, he toasted someone. Might as well make use of it, there would be no returning it after it's worn, even if he did have the receipt.

And right at the end there's that lady with the Rollback Head on. I'm not really sure what the point of that is Is she supposed to be mocking the Rollback Man, or, is she just some sort of weird groupie? Either way, I bet our armless wonder was about to ask the other head for a date and just got totally shot down. What you don't see is where they cut the take when Rollback Man aimed his watch at her.

I suppose I really shouldn't shoot down the Rollback Man too much. I mean, it must be hard for giant floating smiley faces to find work these days.