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I work in a building with elevators. My office is on the third floor
and I often take the elevator. I am not lazy, but my knees seem to dislike
stair climbing some days, so why take that risk. Now, onto the point —
elevators. I believe there is an unwritten code of conduct for proper
elevator etiquette and I'd like to share this with those who seem to have
no sense of the elevator world around them. Here's a simple list of elevator
DOs and DON'Ts:
DO: Politely ask another elevator user to press your
floor button if you cannot access it yourself.
DON'T: Demand a number without so much as a "please"
or eye contact. I am not the elevator monkey there only to do your elevator
bidding.
DO: Use deodorant.
DON'T: Come right in from a smoke break and share your
cancer aroma with me in a confined area.
DO: Attempt some chit chat if you feel comfortable.
DON'T: Make some corny blonde jokes when I still have
to stand there and pretend to be amused for another two floors. Yeah,
you're the
man now dawg.
DO: Enter and exit in an efficient manner.
DON'T: Stand in the hallway with your arm holding the
elevator open while you finish your conversation to your co-worker. Next
time I will have pre-made cue cards with things like "she's lying
to you" written on them to display behind your back.
DO: Make room for other elevator passengers.
DON'T: Ride your medically-necessary scooter into the
elevator and attempt a three-point-turn while proceeding to smack everyone
in the shins. You may be disabled, but you're clearly not blind.
DO: Try to move to the back if you are not getting out
until the last floor.
DON'T: Stand directly in front of the doors (especially
if you're large in stature) and act oblivious to the skinny people who
need to get off. Obviously those big metal doors have opened here for
a reason, they're not just stopping to give you some air.
DO: Glance through the newspaper during the ride.
DON'T: Talk to yourself. This is just creepy and weird
for everyone else in the elevator, especially if there's only one other
person, who at first thought you were talking to them and realized you
weren't. And, you're crazy. Ok, now you're freaking me out. . . I want
off — now.
DO: Remember your basic manners.
DON'T: Sneeze all over the place. Geesh man, cover your
mouth! You've just sprayed SARS all over the place and we're in a contained
4x4x8 cell. I mean, do I look like Ryan Seacrest?
DO: Read the elevator certificate. Note how many pounds/people
it can hold. Most importantly, check the date.
DON'T: Use white-out to alter number of people
to read number of ducks.
DO: Use the emergency phone if the elevator shuts down,
all the lights go out and the doors won't open.
DON'T: Yell "I'm trapped, there's something ticking,
someone get Keanu Reeves!"
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