New TV Shows

It happens every year around this time. It happened last year a little later than usual, but it still happened. This year it seems to be a touch early, and a bit clustered. There has been a pile of shows debut over the last week or two, so I can't possibly review them all. I should point out that every show I've reviewed I have watched at least two entire episodes, and so I feel I can be as harsh as I have to. So, without further ado, here is the first edition of the Fall 2002 new TV Shows rating.

The Osbournes (Uncensored) (CTV Tuesday): Yes, I know, MTV has been running the Osbournes for months, but it was almost impossible to get in Canada. Now CTV is running the show, but there's a difference. While MTV bleeped the profanity, CTV isn't doing that. They're running the show with all the foul language intact. They still blur the picture when Ozzy decides to give the camera the finger, but the show is still very raw. CTV is runs a warning after every commercial break, which is certainly for the best. But enough about that. You're wondering how the show actually is. Well, it might be the most watched show on MTV, but I really can't see why. It's not far from being the television equivalent of a train derailment, i.e. shocking, unpleasant, and messy, and not particularly funny. At the same time though, it's hard to look away. Things that are Ugly can be like that.

CSI: Miami (CBS/CTV Monday): CBS hit the motherlode with CSI, and like any television network does when they strike gold, they're digging for more. This can backfire, as it did on ABC when they decided to run Millionaire four nights a week, or it can work well, as NBC has found with Law and Order. Will it work with CSI? It's looking that way. That's not really a surprise. CSI: Miami has a lead investigator who's a bit of a loaner oddball, a just-over-40-but-still-rather-hot female second in command who used to be on another show, a supporting cast that's entirely too good looking, oh, and lots of blood and gore. So, everything CSI has, only more so So my rating? Well, if you like CSI, CSI: Miami will be Good, but if you don't, you're probably going to find it Bad.

Push, Nevada (ABC Thursday): Who knew that accountants could be cool? Not just accountants, mind you, but one named Jim Prufrock. That's right, Prufrock. Oh, and did I mention that he works for the IRS? Well, be prepared to turn up your suspension of disbelief control, because Jim Prufrock is cool. He's an IRS investigator who goes to the town of Push in Nevada to investigate, well, something accounting related, and he finds murder and mystery and worst of all, tax evasion.
I know what you're thinking. This show sounds like it sucks. I fully expected it to suck when I started watching it. It doesn't. It's actually one of the best new shows of the season. Alas, it's being run opposite CSI and Will and Grace, and its numbers really stink, so it's about as likely to see Christmas as the Halloween decoration display at Walmart. Watch it while you can. It's that Good.

John Doe (Fox Friday): The majority of shows run by the American broadcast networks get picked up by one of the Canadian broadcast networks. Shows that are a bit more out of the mainstream often gets picked up by smaller local stations. Shows that don't end up on Canadian television at all are usually don't because they suck. Push, Nevada isn't carried on a Canadian station, but it's good. John Doe sucks. Some guy wakes up to find himself naked and alone on an island in the Pacific (and no, this isn't Survivor) with no clue on who he is or how he got there, and when he gets picked up by a fishing boat he discovers he can speak Khmer. Oh, and he knows everything. And I mean everything. He knows the number of peanut M&Ms in a bag (25, according to the show). Only he doesn't know who he is or why he knows everything. So what does he do? Well, after winning a pile of money betting on the ponies (while he can't predict the future, apparently he has a great understanding of horse racing) he takes a part time job playing piano at a club and volunteering with the police. Confused yet? I know I was. Have I mentioned that he's also completely colourblind, expect for things that are important, those he sees in colour. By this point you're probably thinking this show sounds really Bad. That's only because it is.