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On Saturday, October 3, there was a National Arts Centre Gala in Ottawa. For those who are not particularly patrons of the arts, and not performers themselves, this would not normally be news. This wouldn't even make the last minute of the evening news when they generally feature some lighter fare. But last Saturday's Gala featured a couple of unscheduled appearances. First, renowned cellist Yo-Yo Ma showed up unannounced. Then Prime Minister Stephen Harper, who is apparently a a half decent pianist, joined Yo-Yo Ma on stage for a rendition of the Beatles tune "With a Little Help from My Friends." Harper played a grand piano, and did the lead vocals.
While that oft-covered Beatles tune is an interesting, and certainly entertaining choice, it's too bad that Harper hadn't found an appropriate song by a Canadian artist. And while there are of course many, many good Canadian songs that would have been highly entertaining, you need something reasonably lighthearted and not demanding of a wide vocal range. This is a National Arts Centre Gala, after all — it just wouldn't do for the PM to be belting out "Locked in the Trunk of a Car."
The single best choice for an appropriate, well known, singalongable Canadian tune, or at least that I could think of, would be "If I Had $100000" by the Barenaked Ladies. But perhaps Steve could do with something a little more relevant. So next time a gala comes up, here's my suggestion of what the Prime Minister should sing.
If I had a ten billion dollars
(If I had ten billion dollars)
I'd buy you a house
(I would buy you a house)
If I had ten billion dollars
(If I had ten billion dollars)
I'd spend stimulus cash to improve your house
(Maybe a nice verandah or a patio)
And if I had ten billion dollars
(If I had ten billion dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a Zenn car
(A nice Canadian-made automobile)
If I had ten billion dollars I'd buy your vote
If I had ten billion dollars
I'd build a fort up in a tree
If I had ten billion dollars
It would create jobs in construction and forestry
If I had ten billion dollars
Maybe we could put like a little tiny fridge in there somewhere
You know, we could just go up there and hang out
Like open the fridge and stuff
There would already be laid out foods for us
Like pre-wrapped Alberta beef and things
They have pre-wrapped Alberta beef but they don't have pre-wrapped PEI potatoes
Well, can you blame 'em
Uh, yeah!
If I had ten billion dollars
(If I had ten billion dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a sealskin coat
(But not a fake seal coat, that's cruel)
And if I had ten billion dollars
(If I had ten billion dollars)
Well, I'd buy you an exotic pet
(Yep, like a polar bear or a ptarmigan)
And if I had ten billion dollars
(If I had a ten billion dollars)
Well, I'd buy you John Diefenbaker's remains
(Ooh, all them crazy old Tory bones)
And If I had ten billion dollars I'd buy your vote
If I had ten billion dollars
We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I had ten billion dollars
We'd send a parliamentary page 'cause it costs more
If I had ten billion dollars
The military wouldn't have to use old helicopters
But we would use old helicopters
Of course we would, we'd just fly 'em more
And buy really expensive parts for them
That's right, all the fanciest helicopter parts!
If I had ten billion dollars
(If I had ten billion dollars)
Well, I'd buy the Navy some new subs
(But not used British subs, that's cruel)
And if I had ten billion dollars
(If I had ten billion dollars)
Well, I'd buy the National Gallery some art
(By the guy who painted Voice of Fire)
If I had ten billion dollars
(If I had ten billion dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a monkey
(Haven't you always wanted Jack Layton?)
If I had ten billion dollars
I'd buy your vote
If I had ten billion dollars, If I had ten billion dollars
If I had ten billion dollars, If I had ten billion dollars
If I had ten billion dollars
I'd be PM
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