May I Help You? Vol. 3

Hi. I'm Mike. I know, I know. . . I look familiar. This could be because I have worked several jobs where you were my customer or something like that. Yep, now you remember. Have you ever noticed how hard it is to find someone who will provide the customer service that you expect? Someone who will listen to everything you say, and come up with the exact solution that you're looking for? Well, I have been that person who came up with the solution, and I would like to give you the inside scoop on how that happens, and what goes through an employee's head when you come up to them looking for help.

Setting: A small 5 star inn - 3:51am. The night shift on the Front Desk.
Customer: A gentleman who is a guest in the establishment, who has been drinking.
Scene: I am training a new employee who has been doing all of the work, I am halfway through a shift where I have been fighting against falling asleep. I'm in the back room playing Scrabble online.

Customer: Um, Hello?

In my head: Bug off! Unless you can give me a word using the letters G-H-A-A-A-Z-X. . .
What I say: (coming around the corner, subconsciously noting that something isn't right) Yes, how may I be of assistance? (It was a fancy place, we used the word 'assistance' instead of 'help').

Customer: I was looking for a bathroom and locked myself out of my room, can you give me another key?

In my head: Moron. How can you lock yourself out of your room? I mean...you've got a bathroom in your room how can you. . . (This is where I notice that the man's not wearing a shirt. Our doors are locked, so I know he's not coming off the street).
What I say: Sure, what's your last name, and what is the room number? (Playing it cool)

Customer: Mr. Smith, room 102 (right around the corner).

Strangely, he is holding a pillow in front of him against the counter. I notice also that there is a pillow missing from the couch over there...wait a second....THIS GUY'S NAKED!!!)

In my head: THIS GUY'S NAKED, HOLY CRAP!!!! What the heck is going on here???
What I say: Excellent sir, here's your key (handing him his new key, with a polite "I'm-not going-to-show-that-this-is-a-weird-ass-situation" smile on my face to play it cool).

Now the guy is just staring at me like I'm bothering him. Took me about a second to realize that I should get back to Scrabble so I wouldn't see him walk back to his room. I wanted to burn the pillow. The whole time, the trainee was in the kitchen cooking, not knowing a thing about what had just happened.

The guy was still a little drunk, he probably left his room thinking he was going into the bathroom, and the door closed and auto-locked before he could catch it. He was stuck standing stark naked in the lobby of the inn, and had to walk over to get a key. I can just imagine being on the street looking in through the window seeing this bare-assed guy standing at the front desk in the lobby. Priceless.