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Setting: Building Supply Center — Flooring Department, 3:05pm
Customer: Lady Customer whose eyelids won't close so they stay open — ALL THE WAY OPEN
Scene: Co-worker is trying to wait on customer, I'm trying to make him loose it.
Sometimes situations arise where you just have to take advantage of an opportunity at the expense of a customer. This one time, the unblinking lady with huge eyes came in to the department and my co-worker Kyle was helping her. Before we get into this, I need you to do an exercise. Get up and go to a mirror. Open your eyes as wide as you can, and ask yourself (in the mirror) "What can you show me in a berber carpet?"
Looks pretty serious, eh? Best thing is, she always had her head tilted back, so every question she asked looked like she was asking a doctor how long she had to live.
Step One — Surveying the Situation
To really take advantage of this situation, there's little you can say that will not tip the customer off that you're mocking their physical appearance. Neither can you mimic their condition in front of them without getting a kick to the groin, or possibly fired when your supervisor sees you aping a customer with a physical condition or handicap. This situation calls for stealth.
Step Two — Positioning
This is the most important part. Moving naturally by putting away stock, or just cleaning up a bit, you have to position yourself in a place where you are directly facing your co-worker so you are clearly in their line of sight, but not visible to the customers he is waiting on.
Step Three — The Set Up
Most casually you have to gain eye contact with your co-worker, and give them a half smile. This signifies that you recognize that there is a potentially humourous situation at hand, and implies that you will both have a laugh about it later. It also gets the co-worker distracted, and thinking about the humorous situation in front of him. This in turn will require effort (not too much, though) by the co-worker to supress a smile as his brain has begun working on funny things to say later. Now the co-worker is aware of you, and will soon look your way again soon. It's a natural human behavior, and I don't know why we do this, but we do.
Step Four — The Payoff
By this point your co-worker is comfortable with the 'funny' and thinking you're both in on something that will make for a great story to tell. Now it's time to pull the rug from out under his feet and make your move. It's integral that you do not meet their eye contact the first time he looks your way. When he does, he is looking for confirmation that something was funny, but you don't want to meet that. You want the next one. He's going to look back soon, not wanting you to miss the funny thing that's happening (this could be anything the customer does that sets him off). It seems we can't stand the thought of someone missing something funny — it puts people in an excited state. This is what you've been waiting for. When you feel your co-worker looking at you again, you have to move fast. Look up at the co-worker with eyes wide open, holding them open even further with your fingers.
Step Five — The Getaway
Not many people would have Kyle's control. He was listening to the customer, who was in mid sentence when I made my move, and he immediately dropped his head smiling; showing incredible self control for not losing his stuff. This is when you jet. You have to get around a corner or out of sight, because as the customer is asking their question they are intently watching the co-worker for his response/reaction. They will know that his eyes broke contact for a second, and that he stifled a laugh; after which they will turn around to see what was so funny. This leads to the bonus gag of the customer wondering what the joke is.
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