Uncommon Choices for Winter Vehicles

In this type of weather you need to be prepared if you want to travel any distance, and although a car or truck with, at minimum, all season tires, is the most obvious choice, there are those adventurous types who like to risk their lives to get where they're going.

This article was inspired by the two dudes I saw riding bicycles in four inches of snow, during a blizzard warning.

Bicycle: First, I'm not aware of a large market in studded winter tires for bikes, which leaves you with very little traction, and add to that the actual width of your tires being at best two inches, I'm thinking you're going to regret this choice the first time you hit slush-covered snowdrifts. If you encounter a four foot drift, it's takin' you out. Ad the fact that you're totally exposed to the elements, and that those little reflectors aren't going to give you much in the safety section since most motorists aren't exactly expecting to dodge cyclists in January. Along the same line, the only thing worse than a bike has got to be a unicycle — don't forget your helmet. On second thought, if you came up with the great idea of riding a bike or unicycle in the
snow, you don't really need that helmet.

Rollerblades: I actually saw a guy on rollerblades a couple of weeks ago, on a somewhat cleared sidewalk. Now, I'm going to encourage this mode of transportation, simply for the humour of watching it. Every time the guy hit a spot of snow or ice there were flailing arms and legs everywhere until he hit the pavement and there was immediate jarring, then, back to normal. The best part is I couldn't see any of his body from the waist down because of the snow drifts on either side of the sidewalk so it was like he was walking super fast and having intervals of uncontrolled fits. Keep up the rollerblading, as long as you don't
veer into traffic, 'cause I'm not driving one of those pedestrian-safe Hondas.

Dog Sleds: I personally wish there were more dog sleds around. I just don't know where you can get one around here. We should seriously consider it, it would cut down on parking, you wouldn't have to plow any streets and our fuel cost would simply be the amount of Alpo you purchase. Everyone would have ten dogs and garages would be converted into a small kennels. It's perfect. Aside from all the yellow snow and dog poop, this mode of transportation gets my approval for most
energy efficient.

Segway: Now, these are kinda cool, yet kinda nerdy. It looks like you're riding an oversized tricycle that's missing a tire. I believe these things claim to be able to take on obstacles. I'd like to see them take on snow. They've got the 8" wheels, and maybe you can get some with a decent grip, but they don't exactly have a lot of torque and I can just imagine the scene of slamming on the brakes (if that's even possible on a segway) and sliding into traffic. What's going to protect you, that
pole with the handlebars? Maybe they sell little miniature sets of tire chains for them, that'd be amusing. Oh, and why not splurge and get the heated handlebar? If you're holding onto metal at -40 you're gonna wish you got that option. But whatever you do, don't lick your segway. You know what your Mom told you.

Scooter: Just to be clear, I'm taking about a motor scooter, aka a moped, not one of those kiddie razor scooters that were so hot a few years ago (although that would be perhaps the worst winter vehicle choice of all). They're great in densely populated areas, but those areas generally don't get a lot of snow. They have a bit of weight to them, at least more than the previous vehicles of choice, but again, you've only got the stability of two tires and probably only front brakes, which means you're also going to get to go sailing — at least for a few seconds. If you could somehow rig a snow blower up to the front of it, and assuming you could do the required upgrades to the engine to allow this to work, you might actually get somewhere.

Zamboni: I was at a hockey game recently and as I was watching the zamboni clear the ice it occurred to me what a great road vehicle this could be, and for that matter, a great combat vehicle. Now, you'd have to make some alterations — remove the mechanism that allows you to clean the ice, then add a cage of sorts around the driver seat, and voila, you're driving a large box. Think about it: if somebody hits you, big deal, they're not going to mess up your body moulding. It's a giant rectangle on wheels, you can park right up against the edge of any building, just bash your way through snowdrifts. Since it's not built for speed if any motorists get in your way you can just gently nudge them off the road. And don't worry, they won't get mad at you. . . everyone loves to watch the zamboni.