Fictional Wee Folk

So much of fantasy and myth contains little people. Perhaps it's a testament to just how self absorbed the human race is that we tell stories and produce movies that feature slightly altered miniature versions of ourselves. Or perhaps it's because creatures that are similar to us, but smaller, are at once intriguing and non-threatening. In any case, there are a lot of different wee folk in film and fiction that just cry out for a Good/Bad/Ugly rating. To keep this list manageable, we're sticking with well known creatures that lack the gift of flight.

Elves: We're not talking Tolkien elves here, we're talking the stereotypical Christmas/Keebler elves with pointy ears, pointy shoes, that sort of thing. I'm not sure I understand why so many writers, artists, and animators who use elves go with the ultrapointy motif. Pointy things tend to be stabby and dangerous, and one just has to wonder how many elves are wandering around missing eyes because of childhood pointy shoe mishaps. Bad.

Hobbits: Also known as halflings, these are very much a Tolkien creation. They're like humans, only about half as tall and with big hairy feet. That part I don't understand. I can't think of any good biological reason for hobbits to have big hairy feet. I'm sure there is some explanation out there, but a quick google search was completely non-helpful. So at the risk of offending countless Tolkien fans, I'm going to call Ugly on hobbits and their feet.

Oompa-Loompas: From Charlie and the Chocolate Factory if you didn't know, these musical orange creatures are ostensibly human, but were heavily preyed upon by the ravenous beasts of their homeland until Willy Wonka took their entire population to work in his chocolate factory. I don't know about you, but I find something disturbing about importing a labour force that happens to have a different skin colour than you and then having them sing songs about unpleasant things that happen at work. Didn't the United States fight a civil war about this?
Setting all that aside, Oompa-Loompas are destined to receive a Bad rating simply because of their ill-fitting pants, overly self-referential songs, and the fact that one of our writers simply detests them.

Smurfs: They're blue, they all dress the same, they live in mushrooms, and you can use them to make gold. Oh, and in the least precise system of measurement since the French based the metre upon a guesstimate of the Earth's circumference, they're three apples tall. Let's ignore the whole apple size quandary and the fact that there is only one female smurf and focus on the gold manufacturing. Who would ever think that little blue sentient beings were an ideal source material for gold production? Even if you overcome the moral problem with killing intelligent creatures to make gold, one would think that blue is the last colour you'd think to try. Were Smurfs a bright shiny yellow, then I could maybe see trying to render them down to gold. Since they're blue, I'd think you'd be more likely to get cobalt. And as nifty as cobalt might be, it only costs about $25 per pound these days. So it would not be a Good or cost effective use of Smurfs.

Munchkins: I'm thinking Oz style Munchkins here, and we're not talking about the prison show. As much as The Wizard of Oz is a wonderful movie, the Munchkins are not terribly inspiring. They sing silly little songs and get awfully excited about accidental witchicide, and they have a lollipop guild. And if you happen to watch the movie while playing Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon album, the Dorothy arrives in Munchkinland at the start of "Money" which is rather incongruous. Of course, by the time the lollypop guild shows up, the album is into "Us and Them" and the words "We are not ordinary men" play as the guild speaks with Dorothy. So that's Good synchronicity, at least.

Leprechauns: One of the classic Irish cliches, along with shamrocks, fisticuffs, and alcoholism, leprechauns dress in green and hoard gold, which they will apparently give up if forced. The latter makes them like almost everyone else who hoards gold. The former makes them like every other Irish stereotype. Mythological leprechauns generally ranged from mischievous to malevolent, and were quite unlike the cereal selling leprechauns of today. Personally, I think it's pretty tacky when someone's cultural heritage is used to market a sugary breakfast cereal, and since I'm half Irish-Canadian myself, this should probably make my blood boil. But then I'd just be contributing to the stereotype myself, which would be Bad.