2005 Academy Awards Speed Ratings

In what's become a tradition here at Dontmindme.com, it's time for the annual speed rating of the Academy Awards. No in depth analysis, just quick reactions and comments. I'm not going to say who said what, because there's just too much to go through. Hold on for the ride.

Opening Montage: Too long and too much Eminem. Bad.

Chris Rock's Intro: Pretty funny and quite clean. Good.

Jude Law is in everything: It's funny 'cause he mentioned Jude making cupcakes. Good.

Shortage of Stars: Way to work a little self depreciation in there, Chris. Good.

Bush and the Gap: I thought you said you weren't going to bash the president, Chris. Bad.

Bringing up all the nominees on stage: Well, it saves on walk up time. Good.

Robin Williams: Always funny, and does a better Jack Nicholson than Jack himself. Good.

Morgan Freeman wins best supporting actor: He's due, so that's Good.

Beyonce sings in French: You know, they could have tried for Celine Dion, who actually is French. Bad.

Chris Rock out on location: That was pretty funny, actually. Good.

Pierce Brosnan: Laryngitis and teamed with a cartoon. Once you aren't 007 any more, things get Ugly.

Tribute to Johnny Carson: I'm too young to really remember him all that well, but having a tribute to him was a Good thing to do.

Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows: Dude always had dreds, but now they've moved up his head and he looks like Sideshow Bob. Ugly.

Chris Rock as Catherine Zeta-Jones: Bizarre and funny. Good.

Lots of empty seats during speeches: What, no seat fillers? Bad.

Vin Diesel as a Lawyer: In Sidney Lumet's in production Find Me Guilty. Vin Diesel a lawyer? With hair? Bad.

Beyonce sings again: What was with that jewellery? It was like a chandelier.Ugly.

Prince is at the show: Really? Why? What's he done lately? Good for his agent.

Comedy Superstar Jeremy Irons: That was a hilarious intro. Good.

Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek, together at last: You can hardly tell them apart. Bad.

Antoino Banderas & Carlos Santana: He sings one duet in Shrek 2, and now Antonio thinks he's a singer. Bad.

Natalie Portman's Dress: Cut to her waist and made out of what, crinkly paper? She's cute, but the dress is Ugly.

Tribute to those who died last year. Wow, a lot of famous people passed away. Marlon Brando was a Good choice to end on.

Beyonce with the hat trick: What, were no other singers available? Bad.

Prince presents best original song: So that's what he was doing there. He won an Oscar before? For what? Good for him.

Jorge Drexler: Okay, lets ignore the name, but he sang his acceptance speech in Spanish. That's cool, and he has a really Good voice.

Hilary Swank wins Best Actress: She looks like a scary Jennifer Garner. Um, we'll call that Good.

Samuel L. Jackson: Dressed all in black, isn't that what Will Smith did last year? Bad.

Charlize Theron's dress: What was that? That's almost as Bad as Bjork's swan dress.

Jamie Foxx wins Best Actor: Good for him.

Clint Eastwood wins Best Director: It's hard to vote against Dirty Harry. Good.

Dustin Hoffman and Barbara Streisand present best picture: They were funny, and she forget her glasses, so Dustin had to whisper it to her. Good.

Million Dollar Baby wins Best Picture: A little unexpected, but I guess it really is hard to vote against Dirty Harry. Good.