Rodeo Events

I've been working with horses from the time I was eight. I have been bucked, kicked, bitten and had a bad fall requiring stitches. Oh, and I love it. To me, there is nothing quite comparable to riding horseback at full speed across an open field. The relationship between you and the horse is crucial and they are (usually) quite intelligent and if they don't like you, they'll show it.

In my more "unbreakable" years I was involved in some rodeo type events, mainly speed events. So today I bring you my Good, Bad, Ugly rating of rodeo.

Saddle Bronc Riding: You have to stay in your saddle for eight seconds, holding onto one rein while spurring above the horses shoulders with each movement. Now eight seconds doesn't seem like it would be that long, but when you're being whipped around like a wet tube sock tied to a 1400lb animal, well, eight seconds is plenty. And although I think the wet tube sock is a good analogy, using spurs on any animal is just plain Bad.

Bareback Bronc Riding: Interestingly enough a male-only sport (although one could argue his "functionality" after the ride) it's just like Saddle bronc riding, except you don't get a saddle, but you get a "gloved" hand and yes, just like Michael Jackson you can scream and grab your crotch afterwards; but that's pretty Ugly.

Bull Riding: What drunken cowboy came up with this idea? There's no way anyone sober ever decided that riding a ton of angry bull was a great idea. Perhaps some cowboys got really wasted and were all you know what would really tick that bull off? If we tried to ride it. I mean, what were they planning on doing next. . . putting a saddle on it and herding the other cattle? All's fair in in this event though, 'cause if you get bucked off, the bull can throttle you with his horns, and payback is Good.

Calf Roping: Ok, this seems like a pretty normal cowboy thing. Poor little t-bone junior there got away from the herd and you need to get him back. So you chase him and rope him, but I'm not so sure it's necessary to tie up his legs. It's a baby cow, it's not like he's going to try to pull a fast one on you. Oh, and how do you plan to get him back to the herd if his legs are tied up? That's Bad planning.

Barrel Racing: My favourite event. This is a test of speed and agility and cooperation between horse and rider. Any event where you run at top speeds, stop on a dime, and turn quickly in a closed in area — with the added possibility of hospitalization — has got to be fun. Plus, you can use both hands and you're not tied to the horse, and that's Good.

Steer Wrestling: So like some sort of weird Indiana Jones move, you ride your horse alongside a running steer and jump off your horse, grabbing the steer by the horns and kind of surf along with your feet in the dirt until you can grab his nose and make him fall. There are just way too many things that could go terribly wrong here and that's plain Ugly.

Goat Tying: In a somewhat sexist version of calf roping, they tie a goat to a stick at the end of an arena and female riders have to ride in, rope the goat, get off their horse and tie three of the goats legs together. Right, because if a cowgirl had to catch a goat in the wild it would have conveniently tied itself to a stake somewhere out on the plains so it's easier to catch. That's really Bad.

Sheep Riding: In a perhaps twisted kind of way this is my favourite event to watch. They take a herd of sheep and put them in a pen. They get some willing kids to participate and they take them in the pen and the kids sit on the sheep, just holding onto the wool. Sheep like to be ridden about as much as hot dogs have any real meat. They let the sheep out all at once and it's a sheep versus kid free-for-all. If you've never seen it, you can imagine it and it's all Good.

Chuck Wagon Races: I'm not really sure why they name them "Chuck" but it's probably a better choice of word than what the cowboys use when they crash. I believe wagon races are now banned as there were too many casualties. Somewhere along the line the wagon races mutated from a test of a team's speed to a bumper-car like rally to see who could actually make it to the finish line with their wagon all in one piece. We may not see it much anymore though, because it's banned and that's too Bad.