Bank Robbery

First, let's start with the loans. Oh sure, they're all nice and "we'll give you this money to expand your dreams" at first, but, once the new car smell has worn off it's all downhill without breaks. As I've been told by my bank, my car loan has a life of its own. Interesting. Magically in their computer my car payments disappeared twice, reappeared but took an extra $50, then, divided my monthly payment into two unequal installments and the list goes on. Oh, and let's not forget that while my payment was "missing" they lowered my credit rating. Why not shoot my baby toe while you're at it? Now, apparently there's a computer program out there somewhere in the bank world that has a fetish for messing up my car loan; but only mine. However, to fix this, they go see some lady sitting at a computer "out back." Pretty interesting that it never screws up in my favour, because I'd bet then they'd hire a team of techies to find the problem, take it out back and beat it with a roll of quarters.

Then there's the newest device to add to a non-personal experience. Everyone line up, we're going to pen you up like cattle and when you finally get to a teller, they smile and ask you to swipe your card for service. It's like putting in a quarter to get a gumball. Now, they don't even have to ask your name. "Ooooh, just wait now until your account comes up and then — yes, what can I help you with account#4302198-cashcrop?"

Then today was the ultimate. I had to cash a cheque and after vocally debating whether or not she was going to put my cheque on hold for several days she brings up that I have a lot of service fees. So, I ask what they're for. She tells me that I use my bank card too much and I'm being penalized for it. So, the plastic card of convenience my bank gave me to help them cut down costs of paying actual people to help me is padding a nice fat bonus for somebody I'm sure. News to me, there's a limit to how many times a month I can use this thing and that number
might be 12, or it might be 50, she wasn't quite sure (This would have useful information to both of us, but apparently this secretive information is hiding in someone else's computer). Now, whichever option I have, 12 or 50, you pay for either, just a bit more for the 50, so I just tell her to put me on that. With amazing foresight she says I might already be on it though. It's about here on the bank's security video you can watch me about to lose my mind. Then she adds the kicker. Last month we used a convenience store bank machine and that's $3 a shot. That's right, it says $1.50 service fee, then the bank charges you another $1.50 service fee. Then, I used the the card too much so they charged me $14, so, guess what, I'm paying that fee twice. So, I ask her if that's what's happening and, she said "Yeah, you should maybe try and cut down on that." YEAH, MAYBE.

I think my late great-uncle Willy had the right idea. He didn't trust banks and kept his cash in a shoe box. Why not, with the service fees I'd be saving I'd have the cash for a pair of new shoes in about 10 transactions and my new "account" would come complete with packets of silica gel to keep my cash crisp.