The Cordless Conspiracy

The telephone has been around for well over a century, and I doubt there are many people in the civilized world who don't remember at the very least having access to one, if not owning one. The cordless telephone, on the other hand, is a relatively new development in the grand scheme of things. One that has totally wormed its way into our lives. How many people reading this don't have a cordless phone? And yes, I'm counting phones that don't work all that well. So long as it can still receive calls, it counts. How many have more than one? I know I own three. Well, I used to, I left one behind when I moved. In my old place between me and my roommate we owned four.

And now for the big question: how many have gotten a new one in the last two years? Almost everyone, I'm wagering. And here is the insidious part of cordless telephones — they don't last. They really don't. If a cordless phone lasts five years, it really doesn't owe you anything. That's the generally held perception, and one that is largely true. Sure, some phones might last ten years or more, but they are increasingly rare. And when they do last that long, often the batteries become nigh impossible to replace as technology marches on. It's hard to say conclusively if the manufacturers intentionally build they to wear out rapidly, but one has to wonder. Especially when corded phones tend to last almost forever. Of course, we do tend to drop the cordless ones a lot more. Nevertheless, cordless phones get replaced almost as often as computers, and it's not like an old cordless can't make calls to the newest numbers in the way that an old computer is unable to run new software. The need to buy a new one is built right in.

Much like a computer, though, there is a status element to getting a new cordless telephone, especially when it has neat new features or funky colours. It's a little bit like buying a new car. Think about that for a minute. Every car does exactly the same thing — you get in it, and you drive. Sure, some cars are better than others, they'll last longer, go faster, use less gas, or whatever other feature you care to emphasize, but when you get right down to it, every car does the same thing. So does every cordless phone. Every single telephone, corded or cordless, for that matter. You dial some numbers, or it rings and you pick it up, and you talk to a person. It might have a built in answering machine, or caller ID, or sufficient range for you to take it to the backyard, but it's still a cordless phone.

Now, a cordless phone is not a car or a computer, nor is it anywhere near as expensive as those, but people buy them in a very similar fashion. Some people look for one to meet their needs, nothing more, some people look for a certain brand they like for one reason or another, and some people just want to be wowed by all the spiffy features. In the end, however, we end up buying one, knowing deep down that for one reason or another we're probably going to replace it in the not too distant future. The manufacturers have decreed it thusly, and society has quite willingly allowed it to happen, and that's just the way it is. It's not like replacing a $100 telephone is anywhere near as painful as buying a car or a computer.

You'll excuse me, though, I need to make a call. I just have to decide whether to use my charcoal black digital 900 mhz (with speakerphone) telephone, or the shock and water resistant silver 2.4 ghz one.