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The Great Flyer Debate: March 23, 2001
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| by Mike Thomas |
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I need you to do something. I need you to run, and find the Walmart, and Zellers flyers from Friday's paper, and use them as a guide to this article. I know, they may be in the garbage, but run and get it, it will be worth it. If it's later in the week, and after garbage day, find a homeless person, and trade a real blanket for the flyer he is using it to warm himself. Done? Good, let's get started. I had an idea to have a "who would win in a fight" thing with the guy in the top right hand corner of page 29 in the Zellers flyer and the people in the Walmart flyer. But upon closer inspection, there are few male models in the Walmart flyer, so we would have to go with 'Steven' on the front page, and I think he would get pummelled. So we will be nice and come up with something different for this week. . . but look out page 29, next week Walmart's shopping cart boy will be on page 16, and he's a tough one! So, lets go through each one, and find interesting things. Upon first glance, you will notice the superior paper quality of Walmart's flyer. All glossy, and shiny. This actually affects my decision making process. The flat, non-gloss paper from Zellers just makes the place look cheap and cowers in the dirty corner when compared to gloss. Shine baby shine. Top three interesting things from the flyers: 1) I think it is cool, how on page 4-A of the Walmart flyer, you can have a bathroom that looks like you made a zebra eat a stick of dynamite in there. 2)The Marvel Comic brand T-shirt on page 29, of the Zellers flyer, two spots to the left from our tough guy there. 3)Page 32, Zellers, bottom middle — Smoked Pigs Ears. Yuck. Which of the two inserts into each flyer is the best? Where Walmart has a piddly four page insert on men's boots, Zellers has gone all out, and thrown a huge insert with Games (pages 50-52), Robots (page 53), Bikes (pages56-59), and Pogo-Sticks (page 63) on semi-glossy paper! Talk about slamming the competition on the insert department. I bet there are three people at Zellers who are happy with their work this week. So in a battle as lopsided as a Mike Tyson versus the Pope boxing match, Zellers knocks out the Walmart offering. Who puts forth the highest quality electronics in their flyer? Taking a look at the lower left hand corner of the Walmart flyer on page 12-A and seeing the name "Durabrand" makes one think of fabled brands such as Magnatronic, and Sorny. I mean, they are just trying to subliminally trick you into thinking that the product has the staying power to last through a harsh spring. . . day. So, that set aside, Walmart flashes Philips, Sanyo, Memorex, Vivitar, and Venturer. Also, both have the X-Box, Nintendo, and Playstation. (pages 12-15, ignoring computer hardware) Zellers puts Kodak, Canon, Minolta, Sharp, RCA, Zenith, and some TV made by a company with a stylized "E" as a logo (I think it's Electrohome) on the court (pages 4-7, video games in insert). Looking at both, one has to think "Well, each have big stars with Nintendo, and Sony, but the rest are lacking. It's kind of like the Anaheim Mighty Ducks with Paul Kariya, or the Denver Nuggets with Antonio McDyess and Juwan Howard. A few stars and a bunch of half-rate hole fillers. Even still, we have to pick a winner, and the prize for first place goes to the Radio Shack flyer who just puts both to shame, but Zellers comes in a distant second. Who offers the greatest variety in their flyer? For the first page alone, Walmart takes the cake! I mean, they have cashews, glass slippers, Steven, bed sheets, and motor oil, compared to various kitchen goods (food, brita, coffee), and toilet paper in the Zellers first page! Walmart:
Zellers:
Is there any question? I mean the global giant of Walmart had this race won before Zellers even had its spandex running pants on. Overall Champion of the Friday Flyer Wars? Well, even though there were probably more little quirks in the Zellers flyer, the Walmart flyer takes the cake. Now if you were following along, I am sure that you know what I am talking about. But guys like Nick, or Brian who may be looking at this at work, without the flyers in front of them, may side with Zellers because without the glossy paper in front of you, the quirks may sound a little better. Also, Walmart hires its own employees and puts their names on there too. Another attempt by the dominating, small business killing monster to offer an outstretched arm of friendliness, luring you into their store. The important thing here is for you to be your own judge. If you think that Zellers is better, then more power to you. You're still wrong, but don't mind me, I'm just an article writer.
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