More New TV Shows

It happens every year around this time. It happened last year a little later than usual, but it still happened. This year it seems to be a touch early, and a bit clustered. There has been a pile of shows debut over the last few weeks, so I can't possibly review them all. I should point out that every show I've reviewed I have watched at least two entire episodes, and so I feel I can be as harsh as I have to. So, without further ado, here is the second edition of the Fall 2002 new TV Shows rating.

8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter (ABC/CTV Tuesday): The first simple rule for dating my teenage daughter is no talking about talking my teenage daughter. The second rule for dating my teenage daughter is no talking about dating my teenage daughter. Okay, seriously, there aren't any rules. At least there haven't been yet. I've watched three episodes so far, and no rules. How can you call a show 8 Simple Rules... and not have any rules? Imagine E.R. if it took place in a law office, or if Chicago Hope took place in Houston? The titles wouldn't make much sense, would they? But enough about the title. Is the show any good? Well, it features John Ritter, who has always been entertaining, and Katey Sagal, who is best known for being on Married...With Children (and who also provides the voice of Leela on Futurama), so the show has sitcom cred. While it's far from brilliant, it's certainly amusing enough for me to call it Good.

Life With Bonnie (ABC/CTV Tuesday): Remember records? You know, those 12" black vinyl discs that have ABBA printed on a label in the middle? If you have these around, and of course a record player, go and play one, but switch the setting on the record player from 33 rpm to 45. Life With Bonnie is like that. Everything is way too fast. It's the same as any other sitcom, but faster. Is this a good thing? Well, it's mildly funny, but it's a bit hard on the head. The 33 record playing at 45 rpm analogy holds true — sure, it's funny for a few minutes, but after that it gets really annoying. You're not going to sit down and listen to the whole album like that. It would be unpleasant and could get Ugly.

Everwood (WB Monday, CTV Saturday): So there's a highly successful New York neurosurgeon, and his wife dies. So he moves his family to a little town in Colorado called Everwood. The doctor is played by Treat Williams. He has a son named Ephram and a daughter named Delia. And just when you thought the named couldn't get sillier, there's a guy on the show named Bright. So let's recap: Treat. Ephram. Bright. And the show is called Everwood. I'm going to ignore the fact that the show is well written and mildly interesting and just kvetch about the stupid names. Who names their son Treat? (Actually, no one, his real first name is Richard.) Who names a character Bright? And last but not least, who thinks that Everwood is a good name for a show? I know there's got to be a viagra joke to be made, but I'm not going to go there. That would be Bad.

The Holmes Show (CTV Tuesday/Comedy Network Sunday): This is the year for sketch comedy to return to prime time and fail miserably. Fox has Cedric the Entertainer Presents, which I haven't watched, but it looks lame. CTV has The Holmes Show. I suspect that they won't be keeping it for long. Why? Well, it's not remotely funny. You know how I said I've watched at least two entire episodes of every show I've reviewed here? Well, I tried. I really did, but The Holmes Show is just too unwatchable. One can only watch Celine Dion and Liza Minelli impressions for so long, and that seems to be about the only things Ms Holmes wants to do. Now, don't get me wrong, Jessica Holmes is funny in small doses, I've seen her on other people's shows and she was amusing, and she's arguably the cutest comic in recent memory, but she can't carry a show. Not on a national broadcast network. On the Comedy Network, maybe, but not on CTV. It takes a large talented crew of comedians to keep a sketch comedy show on the air. Look at the Kids in the Hall. There were five of them. Look at SNL or Mad TV. I can't even count those cast members. The Holmes Show has three performers, and so far it seems that two of them don't do a whole lot. I don't know who decided to make this show, but it was a Bad decision.