Facial Piercings

I consider myself to be an intelligent person, but there are many things I don't understand. Quantum physics. Finnegan's Wake. The fact that Macy Gray sells albums. And the topic of this article — why people feel the need to put bits of metal through parts of their face. I really have a hard time comprehending this. But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to rate it.

Oh, a disclaimer: Just because I might happen to give an unfavourable rating to a particular piercing and you happen to have said piercing doesn't mean I have issues with your choice to put metal through artificial holes in your body. Go for it. Pierce away.

Ears: It used to be that guys only wore earrings if they were pirates, rock stars, or Mr. Clean. Now it's so common that it's barely worthy of remark. And so many women wear earrings that when you see one who doesn't have her ears pierced it's mildly surprising. Now, I could rant about earrings, and how I've seen pierced ears on babies under two years old and how that's offends me on a very basic level, but this is a Good/Bad/Ugly rating, not a rant, so I'll let that go. Earrings are fine so long as people don't go overboard with them. One in each ear, maybe two, but when someone has like six and they look like a zipper, how is that supposed to be attractive? But when earrings are used in moderation, that's Good.

Nose: I see this one a reasonable amount, usually in the form of a tiny stud on the side of the nose. Often so tiny that you have to look at it closely to make sure it's actually a nose ring, and not a shiny little zit. I have a friend who got a nose ring while she was at school, and when she came back I wasn't sure if I should comment on it or not, but I didn't want to stare at the ring, so I didn't know what to do. For that reason alone I'm calling nose rings Bad.

Eyebrow: I suspect that this was first done when someone ran out of ear real estate but wanted more metal. "Hmm, there's no bone right there, I can get something through that pretty easily, let's do it." Actually, that seems to be the mentality for most piercings. An eyebrow seems a poor choice to me. Easy to snag when pulling a shirt off over your head, and if you accidentally pulled it out, it's going to be messy, and there's going to be blood dripping down into your eye, and the scar would be Ugly.

Tongue: These have become wildly popular in the last few years, a bit too popular I think, considering that your tongue is loaded with nerve endings, and unlike every other commonly pierced body part, is a muscle. The idea of having a metal rod in my mouth is not a pleasant one. Not at all. What's more, talking to someone with a tongue stud is rather distracting, especially if you don't know if they have a metal chunk in there, or maybe a piece of really shiny gum. Bad.

Labret: It's not what you think. Or maybe it is what you think, depending on what you think. Take your hand and put it on your bottom lip, right in the center. Now move it down to the point where your chin starts. Your finger should be on a crease. Bingo. A piercing through that is called a labret. Why? I don't know why. But it is. I'm not sure why I think so, but I kinda like these. Being right on the center line of the face, it seems far less out-of-place than many other non-symetrical piercings. Non-symetrical is not Good.

Lip: Whereas the labret piercing is below the lower lip, this is a ring right on the lip itself. Why anyone would want this is beyond me. The lips are almost as sensitive as the tongue, and I imagine something so heavily vascularized is going to bleed a lot. And what I've said about pulling out an eyebrow ring would apply just the same here. Relatively easy to snag, and this one is going to hurt a whole lot more and leave you with a mouth full of blood and an Ugly scar.