Doors

by Marko Peric

No, this isn't about the band. Besides, Jim Morrison is the only member of The Doors that's widely recognizable, and he's quite dead (which is probably for the best, because I suspect he'd be singing in lounges on cruise ships were he still with with us). This is about actual doors of the sort that open and close. We use doors of all manner and variety every single day, but how often do you think about your doors? Only when there's a problem with one. Odds are over 99% that you can see at least one door from where you're sitting right now. Odds are 100% that I'm going to rate different types of doors right now.

Hollow Wood Interior Doors: This is the door that is typically used for bedrooms, bathrooms, and other applications that don't see the outdoors. They're very light, which is good because you don't really need a solid heavy door on your linen closet. Also, they are relatively inexpensive. No need to use expensive solid doors to keep your family members out. Of course, the fact that these doors are light, cheap, and hollow means that they aren't going to do squat to prevent someone from crashing through if they really want to. I'm quite confident I could put my fist clean through my bedroom door should the need arise. Of course, then I'd need to replace the door, which would be Bad.

Screen Doors: Screen doors are cool. Slide the glass all the way up and you've got the next best thing to being outdoors, only no insects. You can talk to someone through a screen door quite easily, which is handy when you feel the need to be rude to Mormons, but not really nasty rude, but just mildly rude. Also, having your main door open behind the screen door makes a house seem far more welcoming than a just an impassive solid door. The screen door is closed, so don't go walking right in, but the people inside are probably okay with company, or they wouldn't have the main door open. The thing with screens is that after a while they start to age badly, and sometimes the arm that closes the door can wear out. An old screen door is Ugly.

Solid Wood Exterior Doors: Now this is a more serious type of door. Usually made of some sort of composite material with a veneer or painted facade, this isn't the sort of door you can just punch through. You aren't getting through this unless you have a key or you can kick it off the hinges. On a house, that's not easy, since a front step isn't a great place to stand when kicking down a door. If the door doesn't go down on the first kick, you'll fall back and possibly fall down the steps, which would be unpleasant. Now, in an apartment building you can throw yourself against the door from across the hall, which is much safer. At least it is on cop shows where these things happen all the time. Getting back to houses, often the exterior doors on a house will have a big window, which in my mind somewhat defeats the whole keeping people out purpose for these doors. It's entirely too easy to break a window then reach inside to unlock the door. That's probably why you see doors with small high round windows that are too far above the lock to be worth breaking. A much better design than the 24 inch square window in the door, to be sure. A well designed exterior door is a Good thing to have.

Steel Doors: These serve the same sort of purpose as the solid wood doors above -- keeping people out. In size and shape they are much like conventional wood doors, but being made of metal they are far heavier and more impenetrable. You can't kick this door down, not if it's bolted and in a well made frame. These doors are also quite fire retardant, which is useful on places like furnace rooms and bomb shelters. But some people use these as their main doors. I have an aunt and uncle with one, and I have no idea why. They live in the country, so it's not like they have to keep street gangs out. I suspect my uncle got a good deal on the door, because there's no reason why they need an effective but Ugly steel door.

Sliding Glass Doors: Typically these serve as the access to a patio, deck, verandah, or balcony (and can anyone explain to me how a patio is different from a verandah?) rather than a primary entrance. Usually accompanied with a sliding screen door, glass doors are handy for places that aren't easily accessed, such as upper floors. They are like a picture window you can walk through, allowing in lots of light. However, often these are used on easy to get at ground levels, and big sheets of glass aren't the best thing for keeping intruders out. Throwing a brick through plate glass isn't subtle, but it is effective unless you've got really heavy reinforced glass. Apart from that sliding glass doors are generally Good.