2002 Academy Awards Speed Ratings

I did this last year and maybe have started a tradition here at Dontmindme.com when I did a speed rating of the 2001 Academy Awards. Then, I did it a few hours after the awards so it would be up for the next morning. This time, the awards ran way too late and I didn't feel like doing a review at that hour. Don't expect detailed analysis or anything, I'm just having fun. Here goes.

Tom Cruise is the first person on stage: Need a shave there, Tommy. You might be handsome, but the three day beard is Ugly.

What Do Movies Mean To You: Too long, too self indulgent and did I hear someone say Faster Pussycat, Kill Kill? Bad.

Whoopi dropping in from the roof: Almost as tacky as that outfit with the feathers. Ugly.

The new Kodak Theater: Looks really nice, actually. Good.

The Smith Family seated together: Will, Jada and Maggie. Good joke on the fly.

Jennifer Connelly wins Best Supporting Actress: I like her even though she's way too thin these days. But keeping her speech under one minute is Good.

Donald Sutherland as announcer: Interesting choice, but he did a Good job.

Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson on Costume Design: The bickering was funny, but a touch contrived. But Ben, black suit, black shirt, black tie, this isn't a funeral. Bad.

Standing Ovation for Woody Allen: I don't know when he exactly became an icon, but his self depreciating introduction to the New York clip segment was pretty Good.

Another black and white outfit for Whoopi: Is there supposed to be a theme here or something? Ugly.

Samuel L. Jackson: Cool suit, although it looked a tad like a bathrobe. And he didn't call anyone a bad mutha, which is Good.

Cameron Diaz on Production Design/Art Direction: Huh? Can you say teleprompter? And what was with that hair? Bad.

Charlize Theron and the technical awards event. Who wouldn't want a kiss from her? Good.

Shrek wins Best Animated Feature: No surprise there. Good.

Jim Broadbent wins Best Supporting Actor for Iris: Did anyone actually see Iris? I thought Ben Kingsley would win, but then again, nobody saw Sexy Beast, either, which from I understand is really too Bad.

Cirque Du Soleil movie moment montage: Cool and impressive, if a touch overdone. Good.

Denzel Washington announcing Sidney Poitier's honourary award: Denzel has a really weird hand twitch which I found disturbing and Ugly.

Sidney Poitier's honourary award: He certainly deserves one. Good.

Best Song Nominees perform: Attention Tom Green — get someone famous and British (or for a sure bet, Randy Newman) to do a song with you for your next movie. It's the only way you'll get to bring a dead badger to the Academy Awards. That would be Ugly.

J-Lo actually wearing a normal dress: It's not see-through or about to fall off. Not what I expected, but Good.

Gwyneth Paltrow's dress: Hey Gwyneth, you probably should have worn a bra. Ugly.

Randy Newman wins after 16 nominations: Maybe they'll stop nominating him now, which might be Good.

Sharon Stone and John Travolta: Now here are two people that have 40 getting small in the review mirror, and I think they might have been drunk, but they still look Good.

Robert Redford gets award for lifetime achievement: How many awards are going to people who were in Sneakers tonight, anyway? Anyway, it's still Good.

Russell Crowe: Needs a shave and a haircut. I think he knew he wouldn't win best actor. Ugly.

Halle Berry totally breaks down: Way too emotional, IMHO. I like her, but the breakdown was Bad.

Julia Roberts and her rather odd outfit: Last years was classy, this thing was Bad.

Denzel Washington wins Best Actor: A very gracious winner, and his acceptance speech was Good.

A Beautiful Mind Picks up Best Director and Best Picture: Not overly surprising. And Brian Grazer's hair is Bad.

The show lasting 4 hours, 23 minutes: Now that's just plain wrong. Ugly.