Christmas, December, and Sanity

December is the strangest month. This is the only month that is completely subjugated by a single day. Sure, there are other notable occasions in December, like Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, Festivus, winter solstice, no less than four days dedicated to major Catholic saints, and parts of Hanukkah and sometimes Ramadan, but let's face it, December is about Christmas like SpongeBob SquarePants is about, well, SpongeBob. I don't mean to offend any Jews, Muslims, Pagans, or people who watched too much Seinfeld and celebrate Festivus, but if you don't realize this you're living in a state of delusion. Christmas owns the month of December (apart from the last couple of days which it shares with New Year's Eve festivities).

There's no other holiday that manages to pull this off. Despite what Hallmark wants you to think, February isn't about Valentine's Day. April isn't about Easter. Halloween would like to think that it owns October, but really it only has a lock on the last week of the month. Among holidays Christmas reigns supreme and uncontested. Heck, it's the only holiday that has a vast selection of its own music. Quick, name three songs about Halloween. You got stuck after "Monster Mash" and "Thriller," didn't you?.

Every so often I hear someone saying that Halloween or Easter are getting to be as big as Christmas. These are obviously people who have never gone to a mall on any Saturday in December. The amount of money being dropped on gifts, decorations, and entertaining is utterly insane. Now, I don't want to discount the significance of Christmas, and I'm certainly not the first person to comment on this, but how in the name of Tickle-Me-Elmo did the celebration of the birth of the Son of God turn into a month long trillion dollar überbinge? I've worked in retail for a number of years, and it never ceases to amaze me how much people will spend on gifts without batting an eyelash. Where I work we do almost three times as much in sales in December as compared to an average month. In some stores that number jumps to five times. It's at the point where if next year Christmas were not celebrated and the spending went away the world economy would be plunged into a depression such as hasn't been seen since the 1930s.

Okay, that last statement is pure speculation, and considering I slept through most of Economics 101 I might not be the best qualified person to prognosticate about global spending patterns, but it's not remotely far fetched. The more you think about this, the more apparent the insanity becomes. Like a lot of stuff that doesn't make any sense it took decades for this to happen, and now fourth quarter spending is the cornerstone of our economy. It just leaves me wondering what people would be spending their money on if they didn't have to buy skis for Susan, a stereo for Simon, or an Xbox for Xavier.

You might think that I don't like Christmas very much. Considering how long I've worked in retail, and how many hours I put in during the month of December I feel I have every right to dislike Christmas, but I don't. I really don't. It takes me a while to get into the Christmas spirit, but every year I do. I listen to "Feliz Navidad" a few times and watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the animated one, of course, not the movie) and everything is okay. It only comes around once a year, and that's just the right amount.

So, this year as you finish up your last minute shopping, take a minute to look through the retail clutter and remember the real meaning of Christmas, and no, I don't mean keeping the economy strong. Take another minute to realize that while it is a very special day, it's only one day out of 365, and you can still celebrate the birth of Jesus perfectly well even if you didn't get Ricky a remote controlled snowmobile (they've been all sold out for two weeks now). And remember that the people waiting on you have worked a lot of hours already, and they have their own shopping to do, and while they'd like to help, they aren't there for you to shout at when you're having a bad day (that goes for the rest of the year as well). Christmas comes around but once a year, so like the eggnog, enjoy it while it lasts. Christmas spirit might be a metaphorical thing, but it's real enough this time of year. Don't let anyone steal yours, and please don't try to steal it from anyone else. Especially not mine. You can have my figgy pudding when you pry it from my cold dead hands.