Mini Rant IX — Instructions and Labels

Almost every manufactured product has some sort of instructions. Some are essential — imagine trying to hook up a high definition satellite TV and full home theatre system with absolutely no instructions. Wouldn't be a lot of fun. That's something that you really do need directions for.

At the other end of the scale are the instructions on a box of Kellogg's Pop-Tarts™. That's right, Pop-Tarts. Apparently the Kellogg people are concerned that consumers might need some direction in the preparation of toaster pastries. First one is instructed to remove the pop-tart from the wrapper. Why it is necessary to explain this is somewhat baffling. There aren't a lot of foods that one leaves in the packaging to enhance the eating experience. Then the preparer of the pop-tart is to set the toaster to the lowest setting and toast, or place in the microwave and nuke for 3 seconds. The oddest part of the entire direction set is that no where are you told to eat the pop tart. Apparently the same people who don't understand the concept of removal from wrapper will understand they dealing with a food item here, and not some sort of badly designed suppository.

In the non-food-related-but-still-pointless-direction department there are the envelopes that accompany the monthly bills. Not all the envelopes include it, but many feature a small rectangle in the upper right corner with the instruction Affix Postage Here. Who exactly doesn't know where to put a stamp on an envelope?

I could rant for a while long about instructions without touching on the really silly ones, like the well known Ginsu knife label advising that the knives be kept out of children. And then there's the ones that just make you wonder. I have a Timex watch that's rated 100 metres water resistant. That's a long way down. If I were more than 300 feet from breathable air the last thing I'm going to be worried about is what time it is.

So, the next time you read a label on a product take a minute to consider just how required the label might be. And if it's funny, be sure to laugh. Even if the instructions say you shouldn't.