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1-800 Numbers |
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by Marko Peric |
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So I'm watching the first tape of the Monday Magnum P.I. marathon and I go to get myself a snack. While the pizza pops were nuking, I happened to take a look at the package of napkins sitting atop the microwave. Mardi Gras napkins. My reaction of course was "what kind of idiotic name for napkins is Mardi Gras?" So I picked up the package to see who made this ridiculously named product (it's Georgia-Pacific, by the way, you might be more familiar with their Dixie cups). Underneath I found a little notice reading "If you have any questions or comments about Mardi Gras napkins, please call toll-free 1-800-243-5384." I was tempted to call, but as this was 1 am, I figured there probably wouldn't be anyone there to answer. So instead I picked up a box of Kellogg's cereal, and lo and behold on the side "At Kellogg Canada, we are committed to helping you make your mornings better. We appreciate feedback on any of our products or messages, by calling or writing to us at: Consumer Affairs The notice even includes the hours you can call and reminds you to have the both top flaps handy when you call. I also know that on every box of Christie cookies there's a little notice saying "Mr. Christie Cares" and there's an 800 number below with instructions to call if you have questions or comments. As it happens, there's no Oreos in the house, so I can't give you that number now, but rest assured it's there. What I'm of course getting at is the absurdity of all these toll free numbers. Is anyone calling them? How often do you find yourself wishing you could speak with a representative of the people who made your napkins? It's a napkin. You wipe with it, then you throw it away. Don't need any tech support there. The only thing I could think to call and ask is "Why do you have napkins named for the day before Ash Wednesday?" I noticed that only brand name products appeared to have these 1-800 numbers available. This got me wondering how much of the $3.49 from your Rice Krispies goes to pay for this. Maybe that's one reason the generic ones are 40 cents cheaper. I can't speak for anyone else, but being able to call and kvetch at Kellogg doesn't seem a worthwhile reason to buy their cereal. One good thing to come from this proliferation is the fact that Mr. Christie cares. It's good to know someone does, even if it's a minimum wage phone operator. So the next time you feel the urge to tell someone "Here's a quarter, go call someone who cares," you can be more specific. Just say "Oh, go call Mr. Christie." And hey, it's toll free, so you don't even need the quarter. |
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