Coming Soon to a Theater Near You

by Marko Peric

Not long ago when I passed the sign for the theater something struck me funny. The way the titles were arranged it appeared they were showing Riding In Cars With Boys From Hell. This of course amused me terribly, almost as much as the time last year when at a glance it looked like they were showing Erin Brockovich Must Die. All these mixed up titles got me to thinking, and you know what that means. Well, maybe you don't, so I'll tell you. It means I'll most likely be posting some weird and possibly esoteric silliness on here, which of course I am. Allow me to present a few movies I might like to see.

Kevin Bacon is Thomas More, Archbishop of Canterbury, and he's ticked off and invisible in A Hollow Man For All Seasons.

Stephen King wrote the novel this story of growing up and being schizophrenic in the 1950s. It's Stand By Me, Myself, and Irene.

Susan Lucci was nominated for a Golden Globe (but didn't win, of course) for her role in the melodramatic horror picture All My Children of the Corn.

Michael J. Fox goes back in time to a galaxy far, far away and has a showdown with his father in The Empire Strikes Back to the Future.

Giovanni Ribisi stars in the Merchant-Ivory production of Boiler Room With a View.

William Goldman penned a story filled with fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles and a couple of highly violent dolls --The Princess Bride of Chucky.

Tobey Maguire is a young Nazi hunter with Michael Douglas as his somewhat unwilling mentor in Wonder Boys from Brazil.

Angelina Jolie and Harrison Ford team up to keep the biblical Ark of the Covenant away from the Nazis in Tomb Raiders of the Lost Ark.

The first rule of Breakfast Fight Club is no one talks about Breakfast Fight Club. The second rule of Breakfast Fight Club is no one talks about Breakfast Fight Club. As for the plot, Brad Pitt and Edward Norton hang out in a school library, beat each other to a pulp, and go on to have great careers, unlike five other people I could mention.

Daniel Day-Lewis is a Czech doctor who discovers a portal into the brain of John Malkovich in the three hour opus The Unbearable Lightness of Being John Malkovich.