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Editor's note: the author of this article wishes to remain anonymous.
This website takes no responsibility for the consequences of anything
you might do after reading this article, in particular with regards to
treating scurvy.
Some things are so versatile that it is hard to classify what exactly
they are supposed to be for. For example; the leatherman tool. It's a
screwdriver, wire cutter, splicer, corkscrew, pliers, knife, sewing kit,
hammer, and the list goes on and on. So what do they classify it as? They
call it a leatherman, slap a $175.00 price tag on it, and make a mint.
Then there is the other side of the coin. There are those products that
people assume have only one purpose, and no other uses. Sometimes though,
these products have so very much more to offer. One such product is the
Jos-Louis cake from Vachon.
Well, I am assuming that you all know what a Jos-louis is, yet I will
give a refresher anyway. A Jos-Louis is a delectable treat put out by
Vachon Cakes, with two layers of chocolate cake separated by a lightly
whipped vanilla type filling, and covered in a rich chocolate layer on
the outside. They come conveniently packaged in singles, by the half dozen,
and I even think they come in a box of twelve or more, which can be dangerous.
I myself have found that once you begin a box of six, the lure of the
full box can keep you coming back for another, and another, and another
until you realize that you have just eaten four Jos-Louis after eating
eight pieces of fried chicken. Therein lieth the danger.
Alas, if that was where the temptation of the Jos-Louis ended, we would
all be the better for it. Yet, it does not stop with simply unwrapping
a cake and eating it. A perversion of sorts develops in how a man handles
his cake, and weird ideas float into the head of a Jos-Louis addict. There
are many things that a Jos-Louis is good for that may require some lateral
thinking.
What you can do with a Joe-Louis
1)Visitors from out of the country? Blow them away with the superiority
of Vachon products compared to those of Hostess or Little Debbie by serving
the flagship of the Vachon family, the Jos-Louis.
2) If you are short on pie, it will suffice to get your point across
if the Prime Minister is in town.
3) Perfect for the "Hungry-Glutton" Eating contest. Place 750
Jos-Louis in front of each team of ten people and whichever team is finished
the pile first wins.
4) They serve as a great pen holder for the office. Although you might
find that little bits of your pen holder disappear, and people from your
office, the floors above you, and from the building next door come asking
you if they can borrow a pen.
5) Jos-Louis make a delightful urinal cake. They smell great, and are
surprisingly resistant to liquids. Thanks to that delicious chocolate
shell I guess.
6) When camping, a Jos-Louis makes great kindling, a superior s'more,
and an adequate treatment for scurvy.
7) Due to the natural buoyancy of chocolate and cake, bring along a box
of twelve to serve as emergency life preservers when boating. Also they
make great fishing bait, and repel mosquitos -- probably due to the goodliness
put into the vanilla-ish substance in each and every Jos-Louis.
8) Frisbee anyone? The Guinness record for greatest distance from a thrown
object was achieved by chucking a Jos-Louis off of the Grand Canyon. They
would make a great toy for a day at the beach.
9) Place 10-15 Jos-Louis in the freezer for two days prior to a hockey
game, and as they harden, link the cakes together to make an impressively
comfortable, and rugged set of shin/knee/or shoulder pads.
And finally, the best of all possible uses for a Jos-Louis:
10) Have you ever been passed on the highway by some jet-set type driving
his V-12 Mercedes, or Ford Mustang, or Corvette, or any other fast convertible
car, while you were driving in your sensible yet stylish Dodge Colt and
receive that "get-out-of-my-way" look from the smug Richie Rich
jerk-face blowing by you? If so, then you share my pain.
Knowing the following will let your soul rest easy knowing the fate of
that "Ben-Affleck-in-a-fancy-car-type-guy". You see, when he
paid $40,000 for that fast set of wheels, and had the salesman put "Sport-Edition"
all over it, he was intentionally left out of the loop on one important
little bit of information. That little bit of info is that he had just
bought what is technically called a "Jos-Louis car". That's
right, a Jos-Louis car. What that means is that his car is a prime target
for frustrated men like myself to follow once passed, wait until they
leave their car with the roof down, sunroof open, or window left open
just a crack and gently set a Jos-Louis on his fine leather upholstery
to melt and set in quite nicely, thoroughly satisfying the urge for revenge
one has after being passed on the highway.
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