Milk Containers

by Marko Peric

While I don't really drink a lot of milk, milk is a staple of our diet in North America (I use milk on my cereal, and I eat plenty of cheese, in case you are concerned that I'm not getting enough calcium). While some people debate the merits of dairy products, most of us consume milk on a regular basis. How we get that milk varies considerably. For reasons that escape me, milk comes in all sorts of packaging. This naturally leads me to do a rating of milk containers.

Glass Bottles: Does milk even come in glass bottles any more? I can't remember the last time I saw milk in a glass bottle. I suppose it's a traditional thing. I'm glad this is a tradition that died out. Glass bottles are easily breakable unless they are made of really heavy gauge glass, which of course makes the bottles too heavy, and still reasonably fragile. Also, you can only make a glass bottle so big before it gets impractical, so no larger than a litre. That's Bad.

Plastic Bags: Like Chrysler K Cars and reruns of The Littlest Hobo, the plastic milk bag is another tradition whose death I eagerly await. Liquid isn't supposed to come in bags. You have one chance to open the bag right, and if you make the opening too big, the milk comes out way too fast, and you can't recover from that, because if you pour the milk out into an open pitcher, then it starts to pick up the flavour of everything in the fridge. This isn't a big problem if you have perhaps strawberries in the fridge, but it's not so pleasant with ribs or turkey. In case you haven't guessed yet, plastic bags are Ugly.

Old-style Cartons: These are the cartons with the tricky pull-apart tops. I always used to like these, probably because it's a bit of a masochistic challenge to get the opening just right and not make a mess of it. If you do get it right, the milk pours perfectly. If you don't, well, a 2 litre carton of milk won't last all that long, and hey, you'll get it right next time. These are less popular than they used to be, although you can still get them in litre sizes. I thought I'd miss them, but I don't. I guess they were rather Bad.

Plastic Jugs: I am ambivalent over these. On the one hand, these are easy to open, are virtually unbreakable, and have built-in handles. On the other, they don't look like they should contain milk. Just like orange juice shouldn't come in rectangular cartons, milk shouldn't come in plastic jugs with handles. But the more I think about this, the more I think milk should come in these containers. They might feel 'wrong' but they are basically Good.

New-style Cartons with twist off tops: Apart from taking way too many words to describe, I love these new cartons. You just unscrew the top, pull out the plastic seal (which you can twist inside out and make look like a starship, btw), and pour. Then replace the cap. Easier than biting the head off a bat, and far less bloody (not to mention much less likely to offend people). It seals up nice and tight, so you can feel confident that the milk isn't going to start tasting like Tuesday's leftover ribeye. That's a Good thing.