Long Movie Titles

by Marko Peric

A lot of movies have a nice, simple, single word titles. A lot of others have two word titles. Some have three. But that's not what this page is about. It's about movie titles that are entirely too long. We're talking six words or more (six is arbitrary, I just wanted to have an excuse not to include The Unbearable Lightness of Being). I should point out that this is NOT about the movies in question. I am not ruling on whether or not these movies are good, bad, or ugly. I am just rating the titles. That is all. In fact, I've only seen one of these movies. And no, I'm not going to tell you which one.

The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover: I'm going to go out on a limb here, but I'm willing to bet this movie is about a cook, a thief, the thief's wife, and a forth person whose occupation isn't known, but who is most likely having an affair with the thief's wife. Apart from that, I have no clue. So apart from the characters, the title doesn't do a whole lot for me. One can't tell what it's about. This could be anything from a comedy to a caper flick. So I'm going to have to call it Bad.

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest: This movie was one of a handful to sweep the big four Oscars — best picture, director, actor, and actress (It Happened One Night and The Silence of the Lambs are the others). But that's not the issue here. This is about the title. I happen to like this title. It invokes a nursery rhyme, it's not self consciously overlong, and the word cuckoo contains a suggestion of mental disturbance, which is of course what the movie is all about. So this one goes down as Good.

Why Has Bodhi-Dharma Left For the East?: Why indeed? Also who is Bodhi-Dharma? And where exactly is the east? Is it a good idea to have a overly long title that is phrased in the form of a question? Have I already asked too many questions here? Will anyone debate that this title goes into the Bad category?

Don't be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood: I don't think this one needs any particular analysis. Merely calling this movie Don't be a Menace to South Central would be bad enough, but adding the rest of the title throws this Wayans brothers debacle squarely into the Ugly column.

Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia: As much as I like the way it sounds, there is one glaring problem with this title. Alfredo Garcia sounds like a pasta dish. Probably something with linguini, peppers, and Mexican spicery. Hmm, sounds tasty. That's right, I just used the word 'tasty' in the same paragraph as the words 'bring me the head.' That's all kinds of disturbing. Not as disturbing as this movie title would be on a romantic comedy, though. As it is this title intrigues and makes me want to see the movie. Isn't that what a Good title is supposed to do?