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Wilhelm Award Nominations (August 2009)

Some awards announce all their nominees at some predetermined date not long before the actual winners are announced. Here at Dontmindme.com we do things a little differently. At random times throughout the year we announce nominations for various categories of awards. This is one of those times.

If you'd like to learn more about the Wilhelms, visit the Wilhelm Awards Page. There you can find out the explanation behind the name, listen to the actual Wilhelm scream, and learn about previous winners and nominees. But for now, on with the nominations.

Funniest New Website: Things break. It's a fact of life, right up there with death, taxes, and the inexplicable continuing popularity of Coronation Street. Of course, things tend to break at inconvenient times, and when an immediate solution is required, sometimes the solution needs to be. . . unconventional. It should go without say that these unconventional fixes can be very, very funny. There I Fixed It is updated daily with photographic evidence of these fixes, falling into categories such as Mission Improbable, Abomineering, Not Street Legal and Dare to Dream. I'll warn you, though, if you find this sort of thing funny, you'll end up scrolling through page after page, suppressing your laughter. There I Fixed It is a great candidate for the Wilhelm for Funniest New Website.

Best Generic Food Product: Kraft Dinner has long been the gold standard of boxed pasta products. But it's hardly the best thing out there. President's Choice Deluxe White Cheddar Macaroni & Cheese Dinner is so far superior to KD that it's not even funny. Not only are the noodles bigger and better, the white cheddar sauce is much tastier, and doesn't have the same artificial flavour and unnatural hue. What's more, it's also great as a base for other pasta dishes — brown up some ground beef, throw in some sauteed peppers, onions, mushrooms, tomatoes, or whatever else you've got handy, and you have a tasty and complete meal. The fact that it's also cheaper than KD just bolsters the case for PC Deluxe White Cheddar Macaroni & Cheese Dinner to win Best Generic Food Product.

Biggest Longshot: People argue about what came first, the chicken or the egg. There's no argument about the order of retirement, and coming out of retirement, though. Obviously someone had to first retire before they could come out of retirement. In sports people have been coming out of retirement probably since professional sports have been around. Well, earlier this month Theoren Fleury, fondly remembered as a longtime player for the Calgary Flames, and for fans of other teams, as one of the most aggravating players ever to lace up a pair of skates, announced the he wants to make a comeback. So what if he's 41, and still technically suspended from the NHL, and he hasn't played professional hockey since 2006 (and that was in the UK). At 5'6" most people thought he'd never play professional hockey to begin with. Sure, he's a longshot to play in the NHL again, he's even a longshot to get invited to training camp, but it's hard not to root for the guy. Theoren Fleury is now nominated for the Wilhelm for Biggest Longshot.

Do you know someone or something that is deserving of a Wilhelm Award? Let us know and if we agree, your suggestion will be featured with the next batch of nominations.

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