Stuff My Kids* Have Said, Volume Two

Last summer I posted a list of verbatim quotes, all things that my children have said. These vary from outlandish to brilliant, with a heavy dose of amusing. But that wasn’t the full list. And it’s not like the kids have stopped talking.

So once again, apologies in advance, kiddos.

*This time there’s even something that I said (well, sort of), because it was deserving of the same treatment.

“My truck needs to go to sleep.” — Levi, age five, on the tiredness of toy vehicles.

“You know, those shoes that make your toes do Live Long and Prosper.” — Levi, age five, describing flip-flops.

“You know that birds don’t wear hats.” — Levi, age five, on how to differentiate between his friend Griffin and, as he put it, ‘You know, the lion-birds.’

“Go fall on a stump.” — Emma-Lyn, age eleven, describing the attitude of a fast food cashier.

“I like squeezing mommy’s belly, because it feels like dough.” — Levi, age five, on expressing affection and causing inadvertent dismay.

“I need no onions to make me cry.“ — Emma-Lyn, age eleven, on emotional displays. 

“Sand is the smallest bead.” — Levi, age five, stepping on the beach.

“They would tape their planes full of explosives.” — Sean, age thirteen, explaining the term ‘Kamikaze’.

“This is a straw that would get you kicked off a plane.” — Sean, age fourteen, prior to confirming that the straw was the size of his nostril and discussing how you could use it to snort a chocolate milkshake. 

“If I was a doctor for cereal boxes they’d all be dead.” — Emma-Lyn, age twelve, after experiencing difficulties while opening a box of Shreddies.

“If you’re going to mispronounce a word, at least do it right.” — Sean, age fourteen, on the improper pronunciation of the word ‘tortilla.’

“I’m a Nerf gun.” — Sean, age fifteen, after spitting a Nerf dart across the kitchen. 

“Peanut butter and ketchup actually goes good together.” — Nate, age eleven, on his preferred hot dog condiments. 

“You’ll fit in the microwave.” — Sean, age fifteen, on alternate locations for the cat to sleep. 

“I just kissed this loaf of bread.” — Sean, age fifteen, expressing his preference for sourdough. 

“Like a human, but inside out.” — Nate, age twelve, explaining exoskeletons.

“I won’t wait to forget it.” — Emma-Lyn, age fourteen, on remembering something from entirely too long ago.

“I never got to hear that song because I was stuck in the trunk.” — Emma-Lyn, age fourteen, on musical ignorance and unconventional travel arrangements.

“It’s like the vegan fish biting your tongue.” — Nate, age eleven, trying wasabi for the first and only time. 

“Get up and help me panic!” — Me, in a dream, age forty-six, looking for my lost shoes in a hotel room after checkout time.