It's hard to believe that a year has passed since the last Dontmindme.com Wilhelm Awards. A lot has happened in the last 12 months, and there are a lot of things and people which are, if not very, at least moderately deserving of a Wilhelm Award. Some of the winners were formally nominated during the last year, while others are now for the first time being mentioned in association with this prestigious prize. There are enough worthy winners this time around that the awards are being split over two weeks, so look for more Wilhelm Winners soon.
If you'd like to learn more about the Wilhelms, visit the Wilhelm Awards Page. There you can find out the explanation behind the name, listen to the actual Wilhelm scream, and see previous winners and nominees. But for now, on with the awards.
Funniest New Website: Things break. It's a fact of life, right up there with death, taxes, and the inexplicable continuing popularity of Coronation Street. Of course, things tend to break at inconvenient times, and when an immediate solution is required, sometimes the solution needs to be. . . unconventional. It should go without say that these unconventional fixes can be very, very funny. There I Fixed It is updated daily with photographic evidence of these fixes, falling into categories such as Mission Improbable, Abomineering, Not Street Legal and Dare to Dream. I'll warn you, though, if you find this sort of thing funny, you'll end up scrolling through page after page, supressing your laughter. There I Fixed It is a great candidate for the Wilhelm for Funniest New Website.
Best Riddance: I was going to call this one 'Best Good Riddance' but the more I looked at it, the more awful and downright nightmarish the combination of 'Best Good' appeared. And on the topic of nightmarish combinations, does anyone on the face of the planet miss Jon & Kate Gosselin? I assume almost everyone has purged all memories of them and the depressing whimpers heard as their show and their lives generally disintegrated.
They say that if you can't be a good example, be a horrible warning. The Gosselins can actually serve as both, simultaneously. They are a good example of why it's a horrible idea to live your life constantly in front of TV cameras. Here's hoping that the kids, aka the +8, actually get to have something resembling a normal life from here on out. In any case, Jon and Kate Gosselin win the Wilhelm Award for Best Riddance.
Best Generic Food Product: Kraft Dinner has long been the gold standard of boxed pasta products. But it's hardly the best thing out there. President's Choice Deluxe White Cheddar Macaroni & Cheese Dinner is so far superior to KD that it's not even funny. Not only are the noodles bigger and better, the white cheddar sauce is much tastier, and doesn't have the same artificial flavour and unnatural hue. What's more, it's also great as a base for other pasta dishes — brown up some ground beef, throw in some sauteed peppers, onions, mushrooms, tomatoes, or whatever else you've got handy, and you have a tasty and complete meal. The fact that it's also cheaper than KD just bolsters the case for PC Deluxe White Cheddar Macaroni & Cheese Dinner to win Best Generic Food Product.
Most Enjoyable Game: What are we going to do tonight, Brain?
Same thing we do every night, Pinky — try and save the world.
Wait, that's not quite right. Pinky and Brian weren't interested in saving the world, more so in conquering it. Pandemic, on the other hand, is a board game where you have to save the world from a multitude of diseases. And here's the best part, it's coopertive. That's right, you work together as members of the CDC, assuming different roles to minimize outbreaks while looking for curies. Think of it as pretty much the opposite of Risk, only with biohazard symbols. And while defeating your opponents is certainly satisfying, beating the game as a group is at least as satisfying. Assuming you do beat the game, that is. It's not exactly easy, as there is only one way to win (find cures for all the diseases) but so many ways to lose.
If you remain unconvinced, here are a couple more selling points. First, there is an expansion available that adds a variety of new player roles, including a bio-terrorist. Second, the expansion includes petri dishes to hold your game pieces. That right there deserves the Wilhelm for Most Enjoyable Game.