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The Madness of Anne Heche

Anne Heche and Celestine at the premiere of Sphere

by Marko Peric

I'm sure everyone here is at least a little familiar with Anne Heche. You might remember her from such films as Donnie Brasco or Wag the Dog, but more likely you remember her as the girlfriend of Ellen DeGeneres (here's something amusing, spellcheck thinks that DeGeneres should be corrected to degenerates. No punchline needed). Now, I'm not going to rant about Anne Heche being a switch hitter, this rant will probably be plenty sordid without that. What I am going to talk about is the fact the Anne Heche has decided that until recently she was insane. Apparently she has been insane for the last 31 years. She has even published an autobiography entitled Call Me Crazy. But was she really?

Let's take a moment to look at the evidence. Anne Heche dated Steve Martin. She dated Ellen DeGeneres, and even said she would have married Ellen if the law would have allowed. Oh, and she made Volcano. In her book she claims that she had an alternate personality, an alien named Celestine who communicated directly with God. Well, you know what they say, when you talk to God, it's prayer, but when he talks to you, it's schizophrenia. Heche says that she regained her sanity after she was found confused and wandering in Fresno. Personally if I was looking for lost crazy actresses, Fresno is the last place I'd look, but I digress.

Now, I'm not a licenced psychologist or psychiatrist, in fact the only thing I'm licenced to do is drive (and only while wearing corrective lenses), but I'm not buying much of this. Anne Heche may have had a terrible childhood, but lots of people have really horrible childhoods and grow up to be reasonably normal. I don't really have any hard proof, but I suspect she had a breakdown and after recovering either cooked up this story, or imagined it. What could be a better explanation for past mistakes? "I was crazy back then, it wasn't my fault." I think she may be onto something here. You can explain away all sorts of things if you just say you were crazy for years, but you're okay now. Let's hope this isn't a sign of things to come.

On the other hand, maybe Anne Heche really was crazy. That would at least give us some explanation for Six Days, Seven Nights.

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