It should have been decreed at the advent of pop music back
in the 50s that songs would have titles that made sense, but apparently
this was never done. Now, most songs do have logical titles, usually being
the most repeated lyric in the song, or a word that is used in the song
a lot, or someone's name that the song is about. Most songs when you hear
them for the first time you can listen and have a fairly good idea what
the title is. This rule doesn't apply to instrumental stuff (you just
have to remember that it's called "Classical Gas") but if it
has lyrics, the title should be fairly obvious. But that's not always
the case. Today I'm rating the titles of some songs that don't comply
with this convention. Note that I'm not rating the songs
themselves, just the titles and their appropriateness. Are we clear on
Bob Dylan's "Rainy Day Women #12
and 35": I thought I'd start with the worst offender.
You might know this song as "Everybody Must Get Stoned" but
it's not a drug song. It's not about drugs, okay? That aside, this title
is so far from the song that I can't imagine how Dylan convinced record
label execs to let him name the song this. I could see maybe getting away
with simply "Rainy Day Women" but no one but Bob Dylan could
get away with calling a song "Rainy Day Women #12 and 35." Well,
maybe Beck. Not that it matters, this is one Ugly title.
Chumbawamba's "Tubthumping": I get knocked down,
but I get up again, you're never going to make me write a good song title.
Well, maybe not never, as Chumbawamba's second song which never really
made it as a hit "Amnesia" actually had stuff to say about amnesia,
but I digress. I think I once heard what the term tubthumping actually
means, but quite frankly I don't feel like looking it up right now, because
there's a chance that could alter my opinion of this Bad title.
Fatboy Slim's "Rockafeller Skank":
Hi, I'm Fatboy Slim's "Rockafeller Skank" but you might
remember me as "Funk Soul Brother" or "Right About Now."
I'm willing to bet that most people out there are scratching their heads
and saying "No, that song really is called 'Funk Soul Brother' because
I went to my Napster replacement of choice and put that in and found 50
copies of the song in three seconds, so you're wrong on this one, Marko."
Well, you're forgotten the number one unwritten rule of this site, which
I can forgive you for, since it's not been written down before, which
is Marko is always right so stop scratching your head and repeat
after me: Marko is right, the song is really called Rockafeller Skank.
Okay, everyone done that? No? Go back and do it. Say it out loud. And
you wonder why I once named this place Idontcarewhatyouthink.com. After
all that hassle, I'm going to give this one a thumbs up, because let's
face it, "Rockafeller Skank" is a cool title, and therefore
Everclear's "Santa Monica": Aka "Watch
the World Die," this was Everclear's first of several radio hits.
Not bad for a band named after an alcoholic beverage. Matthew's Southern
Comfort only had one hit that I can think of, and it was a cover of Joni
Mitchell's "Woodstock." Now, personally I think that "Watch
the World Die" is a perfectly good song title, although it's a bit
of a downer. Actually it's a big downer. Watching the world die doesn't
sound fun at all. In fact it sounds Bad.
Bran Van 3000's "Astounded": I'm
willing to bet that everyone has heard this on the radio and has no idea
that it's not called "All I Wanna Do Is Love You." Or at least
everyone who isn't a fan of Bran Van 3000, which might be just about the
silliest name for a band this side of Russell Crowe's 30 Odd Foot of Grunts,
which of course no one would have ever heard of if Russell Crowe hadn't
risen to the top of the Hollywood A List faster than a beach ball dragged
to the bottom of the deep end of a swimming pool and then released. But
I'm digressing in the middle of my digression, and that's a bit much,
no? Anyway, "Astounded" is a cool song with a completely unrelated
title. The CD version is a lot better than the radio version, which is
often the case, because someone decided that six minutes was far too long
to play on the abomination which is "lite rock" radio. Editing
down good songs for the radio annoys me. I think it's downright Ugly.
Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody": It's
the late 70s, and you're a big fan of Queen. Would you want to listen
to a song called "Nothing Really Matters" or perhaps "Any
Way the Wind Blows" or something similar? Maybe if you were into
folk music (remember, grunge and angst pop hadn't been invited by the
late 70s), but probably not. But "Bohemian Rhapsody" is an intriguing
name for a song, and when compared to "Any Way the Wind Blows"
it's a lot better. I'd have to say it's Good.